Struggling decisions

Looks like my unconscious has a huge influence in my decisions than my conscious. In special, my heart seems to lead them.

I don't really have knowledge about anything, and more than that, my audio perception seems to be compromised. I don't really know if it's the receiving device, or the signal processing. I believe it's the later. It looks like the parallel process management is malfunctioning and automatically switches to another process when it was supposed to be constructing the mental model of what people is saying. Or, maybe, it's a fault in my short to mid term memory, when the immediate perception transfers the memory to an intermediate memory, so it can be reviewed and analysed some time later. Or it might even be the garbage collector working quite heavily. I mean, the garbage collector works according to what my inner filter system consider a waste. Maybe it's a problem I'm my filter, which, after dealing with so much garbage, it's been instigated to consider almost everything a waste.

With such a big flaw, how can I consciously make decisions, if I can't really have the complete description of everything related to the problems? Since life can't really wait until I can fill the holes with truth, I use my imaginary to fill them with imagination, or just leave them as bare holes, which seems to happen most of the time.

And then I ask myself. How can I feed my soul and my heart with technical knowledge about computer systems? I definitely cannot and this is one of the reasons I need changes so much...