Reflecting travel

I've gone to my uncle's farm this weekend due to my cousin's wedding lunch, but I wasn't much into it.
All along the travel, I was into reflections. Reflections about myself.
Despite I can think some stuff, the real thing is here. Inside.
It's always going to be there.
I must let it be.
I have to think about myself, to make things worthy, to live.
It doesn't mean they're, as a whole thing, excluding things from my concepts, but I couldn't separate them before. This and that were only one thing for me. I thought it wasn't possible to have one without the other.
I hope this summer be a bit different.
(I've just noticed that whenever I'm not completely straight on the point, I still write in a hard coded way...)

BECK: Mongolian Chop Squad

Beck is a music based anime. I thought it would be a very urban, alternative anime, but it was just the (maybe two) first episodes. The anime is about Koyuki, a boy who gets interested in the music world and goes for it. Our attention is always up for for what's going to happen to the next new thing that goes on.
I identify some elements of my life into the anime. It's according to each person, but I love this anime!
Btw, the musics are awesome! My favorite one is in this clip.

Hallelujah (Rufus Wainwright)

Hallelujah
Rufus Wainwright

I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music do you?

It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled King composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you

She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah

Maybe I've been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you

I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah

There was a time when you let me know
What's real and going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?

And remember when I moved in you
The Holy Dark was moving too
And every breath we drew was hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah

Maybe there's a God above
And all I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you

And it's not a cry you can hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah

IMVU

Lee has grabbed me into IMVU. It's a fun virtual environment with nice actions for the avatars. I would say it's a good place to practice flirtatious skills! -blinks-

Less than a month

On the next 20th it's going to be 2 years since I've first met Aurianna. So much has happened along this time, good and bad memories make me notice how I've grown, not only myself, but Auri too. She's a gifted and blessed person, I have no doubt about it.

Saki's not bi

I've just found out that Saki doesn't like bi/homo related things. It was fun to discover that! Haha
Well, she's just going on the other hand of the way I'm going to. -evil- Haha

A new dream

Last night I dreamed about Auri. We were talking as usual in msn, but she told me things that made me really happy. ^^

Changes

Auri has changed a bit after she met Bath again. She is so sad now.. I have just noticed what she needs a very few ago and pondering about what I did, maybe I was making it worse. That's sad and that's what she doesn't want...
Last night, before going to bed, I thought about it and about what to do. I thought on listing them here, to not forget about them, but I just feel that if I so, they would be so meaningless for when I do something.
I have to remember everything whenever I read this.

Night Sky

Night Sky

In the late night,
dark clouds cover the sky.
It's all moisted
and the rain is still there.
Drop by drop they fall,
flying through the gentle air
that blows routeless.
Soon, there won't be any water
to fall from the clouds
but a clean sky
with shining and lonely stars
so accessible to our eyes
but yet so distant to our hands...

A note to myself

Whenever I have to give my trust upon someone, I should think on the time I've known them and about their character, their personality. To know whether the person is really trusty or not and avoid getting into a rush.

dream

Last night I had a nice dream. In this dream, a friend from Curitiba (Ana) came to visit me and she gave a gift. I didn't pay much attention to it, as I was very happy that she was visiting me. Even though, she said she wouldn't like to take my time from academic stuff. So, she left, but I didn't say her I wanted her to stay.
After that, I was about to sleep, when someone came to me, with some intentions on doing something on me.

To blog

Dear blog, (Haha I always wanted to write a diary, but as I'm too lazy to write one I'll write here then! XP)

I feel that I grew up a bit lately. I've faced and gone through so much in the last months that I've changed.. a lot more than if it all didn't happen. It's hard, it's really hard when I was into it. I was no optimistic at all. But now I'm out of that hard time. I'm glad it all happened for what is up now. I feel so good and lucky and special.. and happy again! She makes me feel my heart beating harder in my chest. She makes me believe Eden exists and it's made for us. She turns me into another person, a better person, who doesn't need anything else at all. She may not know or believe it, but she does it..
I feel not so shy on talking more. I mean, I'm still shy and I don't talk a lot, but I'm improving it. I'm trying to face more challenges and learn from them.
Oh, yeah, I've talked to Auri's mom!! She is amazing! She is a very nice person who minds about others and wants their good. I loved her! ^^
Well, I think I'll stop for now because I need to do some stuff.
See you!
Shoyu.

Siyango

I was just talking with Si about watching scary shows and somehow, we were talking about traveling and then, she said that she want to become a field biologist. Then, we talked about researching and that she could travel as a consequence. I enjoyed this idea pretty much! ^^ I hope I can do the same, as an Artificial Intelligence researcher. =3

The missing talk

I've got a nice afternoon with Auri. We've talked about some things I wanted, for some time, to say her and that wasn't that bad as I thought it would be. I think that's what she does, anyway. A gentle, warm and soothing blow.
Have I already said it before? I feel that I'm becoming a very emo person. I don't really like it, but I cried when I talked with her. In the loyal part. I said it's not that good at all, but I didn't told her the resons for that. It's because it hurts when it's over. A budhism saying states that if something happens, it's suposed to happen. It kinda soothes my heart about it.
We've also played some Neopets. It was fun! XD My Dashiwo was stronger than her Aliazse at first, but then she ended overcoming my pet. I gotta get more on it! Lol
In general, I enjoyed talking with her. I was missing it and I got kinda fulfilled with it. ^^

Weakness

I know nobody comes here, and I hope nobody read this because I don't like showing people how weak I am inside.
What's up is that I am sad now. And the reason for that is feeling lonely. It's not only it, tho. I wish I were rational all the times, such that I wouldn't suffer this much, but it's something that makes me human.
I was going to write an email to Auri, telling her about it, but I don't know if it's a good thing. She has her own life. Fine, I suppose. I don't want to bother her about my silly feelings. I still can't tell someone else about myself, as I did with her, tho.
There are two persons that help me a lot.. specially lately. The first one is Janiliz. She's my very best friend, despite she doesn't think the same. She's not being online so much lately, so she's much aware about my stuff, lately. The other one is Allison. She's been the person that has mostly taken care of me on these hard days. She's a good girl and I hope I can give her back, somehow, all the help she's giving me.
But when nobody is there, I feel so weak. All I can do is to hold my tears.
I'm getting a fake person, for pretending that everything is alright when it's not...
If I just had someone I completely trust, to tell all I feel...
If just a single person...

Rewind

One month is not enought to forget, to stop remembering.
These memories come by themselves when I least expect.
Is there anything I can do about it? I don't think so.
Rationally thinking, the only option left is to move on.
But...
But...

June

Above is a picture Tith made for me. Thank you cousin!! I've loved it!! Lol.
Yeah, It's been a while since I last posted. Well, it's not really completely a lack of time, nor is lack of stuff to write, nor lack of wish. It's kinda a bit of each. One point I still gotta get is organization. Anyway..
It's June. This is the month I've been born and there are some popular saints celebration in Brazil. I love June English name! June is Junho in portuguese. Not that cool, huh?
It's Autumn. Rain stops to fall so often and sky gets an awesome blue! I can't remember about the last Autumns, but this is how it has been lately. I feel so good when I walk to college with a day like this!
It's semester ending. I've been not so bad on today's exam! I hope I can get at least 5. It's a countdown for next week exam combo. So I have to study now.

Is it Karma?

Lonelyness

It's cold, it's winter.
Nothing can be done.
And I must just accept.
What about the seed?
Who will sprinkle it?
We both dared to do it
But now, what happened,
it's a so lonely duty.
Is it an illusion?

I am

I'm so passionate that all I can see is you, Hana. <3

Spider-Man 3

I've just watched Spider-Man 3. I wasn't that fan on Spider-Man so far.. but has it changed?
On the first one, it was a discovery for Peter Parker. Something like "I have super powers!!".
On the second one, it was as existencial crisis. "Why is it all happening?"
And now, he has faced his dark side. I'm not going to say too much about the movie, but what made spider man be my super hero right now.
The first thing is that his life is not easy. As his photographer job doesn't makes him earn much money, he lives in a rented old and small apartment, that is not paid in time, sometimes. The second is that he has so many stuffs to do like study, work and save the world that made me think "Hey, maybe I can do more with my time!". Third and forth, he has a bad side and makes mistakes. Nobody wants to be bad or to make mistakes, but it's in human's essence. The relationship between Peter and Mary Jane is something so real... how misunderstandings can make bad things...
Well, some stuffs I identify with him and others I want to be like him. Isn't it what makes a hero a hero?

This way?

I've much prepared
with words you've taught
for the road I had got
that is no more paired

So this is the way
what a lonely walk
nobody here to talk
about what I wanna say

Blurred is my sight
I can see you're there
but this atmosphere?
There's no left or right

Shine, my little star
So, through the way
Without fear I can say
'Para sempre vou te amar'

Tamine Theorem

...after all, the cozyless is the place where the individual gets off, the sleepier he was. And the sleepier he was, the more is the quality of the nap. I think. XD

by Chan, when talking about sleeping in the bus along the way to school.

Original: ...afinal, quanto menos aconchegante é o lugar em que o indivíduo pegou no sono, mais sono ele tinha. E quanto mais sono ele tinha, maior a qualidade do cochilo. Acho. XD

Silly her, silly me

I've found, this saturday, a message Anna left in my Gaia profile. I got so happy, so passionately with her when I read it that I e-mailed her how in love I am for her. I hope she forgive me because as we're having a time and I couldn't avoid sending it...

Google Pages

I've just discovered a new Google feature, Google Pages, where people can host a personal home page and I already have 2 on the air!
The first one is quite academic and boring, so don't mind about it. The second one is personal and it's open to everyone! So if you are just curious about it, you can visit through this link.
I'm going to put it into the sidebar links, so it would be easier to find it up later.

fisl8.0

This was the first time I've gone to the 8th Fórum Internacional de Software Livre (FISL, International Free Software Forum). It's an event to discuss the rumors of the free and open software and projects related to this freedom idea. And as I was already there, I couldn't avoid to take photos from the city too! =D (I could have taken more, if the flash of my digital camera didn't reflect on the window glass =/)

Time

It has already passed 1 day, 13 hours and 25 min since Auri has asked me some time. It's a bit more than one day and a half, isn't it?
No, it is not.
And it couldn't be more subjective than when things happen to your life. Specially when you're waiting for someone you love.
I don't know what's going to happen.
My old self would think on things to do, depending on the answer. But I've changed. How could life makes sense if you think about everything that can happen in your future? How can you know the flavor of an ice cream you've never experienced before?
I've never had something like this before and, for me, it is the most special thing have already happened in my life so far.
But for now, there's nothing I can do. Would I do something, if I could? I don't know.. maybe it would get worse if I do something.
And that's weird because, so far, I've always fought against my fate.
As if I knew my fate...
As if I knew it all would happen...
As if I knew her decision...

Mementos

I've been reorganizing my old stuffs, stored on an old desk drawers.
They were old an old letter I got, telling the location of Federal (aka CEFET-SP) exam place, magazines talking about anime, manga, games and random stuffs, fanzines, tapes that have my Yu Yu Hakusho, Tenchi Muyo and other recorded animes or random shows, notes from my kid times and a lot of other random things.
I got kinda nostalgic and happy for the good memories I could remember. It was so nice to not be worried about studying hard and imagine that future would be as easy as raise my wish to reach that.
It makes me feel the I'll be always daydreaming. (Whatever it is, a bad or a good habit. =)

Valentine's day

Happy Valentine's day!!

Fillers no more!!

It's a memorable mark!!! After so long, about 2 years of annoying fillers, Naruto has finally reached a point that he could finally grow up! He is older now, after a hard train tutored by Ero sennin (aka Jiraya-sama). I can't wait to see what will come next!