A dream to make my year a better one

I dreamed you were visiting me last night.
I looked at you and we were smiling, but not a smile of someone who's trying to be kind or nice. It was a naive and pure smile that can be found in small kids when they are happy for the smallest things. You were so enchanting that it seemed you were in a spotlight, seen only through my eyes...
We didn't really do much after that. I tried to turn the TV on, but with all the mess in the room, I couldn't really find where to plug it. So you asked me to play this board game I've never seen before and so we played it.
But when I woke up, I couldn't really stop thinking about it. It's something that I haven't felt for a really long time, even though it's just a dream...

Le Fabuleaux Destin D'Amelie Poulain

Sans toi, les émotions d'aujourd hui ne seraient que la peau morte des émotions d'autrefois

Hipolito

Note to myself

To watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind again!

"Cara... vc já teve aqueles momentos em que acontece alguma coisa completamente aleatória, mas no fundo no fundo parece que houve alguma força maior que fez com que aquilo acontecesse?" - a small description about what I felt when I watched the movie, in a message to Kurama.

I've having a really bad time trying to sleep tonight. It's a night with the temperature of 25°C at 2am. Spring's days and nights have been so hot this week!

Well, it's been a while since I last sat here to write something. It's so long since I started to write in this blog that I feel nostalgic of the time I would spend hours thinking about what to write.... while I write something! Haha

School, school... taking all the time of my youth is so uncool!

I've been working on my project and I've been studying, but I've been spending a lot of time trying to bear my mental fatigue, by playing some games. Those games might not be helping much, tho, since I also put a lot of effort in them.

I've been thinking a lot about what really matters for my life.

When I was a kid, I had so many fun, watching cartoon on TV, playing games and video games, and all those stuff kids like. At teenage, I could explore new places in my city I never imagined I would, mostly motivated by having fun with my friends and interest in different things.

Now that I'm in college, I've experienced so many different feelings and thoughts. And values. When I was younger, I heard/read people saying how good it is to have different ideas and different meanings out there, but now I am mature enough to feel it too.

And possibly try different things too.

Like taking a different paths from the one I've always planned.

Tamine's birthday

2016 Olympic Games in Rio de Janeiro

Congratulations, Brazil!!!

Snap Thought #3

Maybe values didn't lose their meanings, but has changed their forms.

Unable to sleep

I'm unable to sleep tonight.
I've been thinking about Auri and Lois.
I don't want to make the same mistakes...

Email

Ah hah! I've finally came up with a new email!!

Snap Thought #2

Each new day is a day for a new start.

Posts

I've been thinking about a lot of things to post, but all of them seemed to be quite repetitive. They are about organizations, love life, all the stuff that has been happening lately.
There is nothing wrong about them, but I've just decided to change my mind and write something different, something like.. what I think about the posts in my blog.
You, dear reader, is much probably reading it from my front page. But if you're reading it from archive, I would love to know you exist! I doubt someone would ever want to read more of my boring posts! Haha
But why is this all related to my posts? Well... I know this sounds weird or silly, but I miss my old posts. They are pretty much like piece of my own memories and my own story being left behind, a tiny chapter in the whole story of my life.
I have a really lot of things I can write here. Really! But I'll write them down soon, in a calm time.

Break up

Bethany broke up with me today.

World with no money

What do you think about a world with no money?

Most people would think about money as those piece of paper and those coins in their wallet. Some could think about money as those numbers stored in their banks and those ups and downs from their stocks.

But aren't they nothing more than piece of papers and numbers? What makes gold and diamonds so valuable if they are metal and stone? They are rare to find, indeed, but what would one like to do with them, other than tools? Jewelry?

If there were no money in the past, we wouldn't really have the development we had so far. And money still motivates people to do things, since with no money, you can't really buy food, clothes, houses... But at out development stage, can't we develope only for the good that development brings?

Would people be lazy to such a point we would live in a complete chaos or that we wouldn't really have people working in farms to give everyone food? Well, if americans were able to live before europeans came to American, I see no reason for us to survive either, with all the technology we have.

And more than that, Incans were a developed civilization. Did they have the idea of money?

Leaders would replace bosses. Imagine that when you go to work, you are in the place you actually want to be, and more than that, that you find people that actually like to be where they are. And if there is already a lot of people doing the work you would like to do? Well, you could just lead them. And what if there is also a lot of leaders? You could research on how to be a better leader and teach them.

Would exist crime? What crimes?

If one murder someone, why would they do it? But once done, what would happen to that person?

How would be the diplomacy between countries? And in the neighbourhood?

Would people needs be satisfied?

There is also the psychological stuff, like how would one get motivated, and the drugs stuff.

These are mostly things we can't really know until we live in a world with no money.

There is so many things to think that I think it's not an exercise I could do by myself, but with more people thinking together.

But I really wonder what would it be like in practice!

Eu Te Desejo (Barão Vermelho)

Eu te desejo não parar tão cedo
pois toda idade tem prazer e medo

E com os que eram feios o bastante
que você consiga ser tolerante

Quando você ficar triste que seja por um dia
e não o ano inteiro

Que você descubra que rir é bom
mas rir de tudo é desespero

Desejo que você tenha a quem amar
e quando estiver bem cansado
ainda exista amor pra recomeçar
pra recomeçar

Eu te desejo muitos amigos
mas que em um você possa confiar

E que tenha até inimigos pra você não deixar de duvidar

Quando você ficar triste que seja por um dia e não o ano inteiro

Que você descubra que rir é bom
mas rir de tudo é desespero

Desejo que você tenha a quem amar
e quando estiver bem cansado
ainda exista amor pra recomeçar
pra recomeçar

Eu desejo que você ganhe dineiro pois é preciso viver também
E que você diga a ele pelo menos uma vez quem é mesmo o dono de quem

Groundhog Day

I've just watched this film. I found it's a really neat option to watch with someone you like to be with close to you. I hope I can have better luck next time I watch it. Hehe

Ultima Personality Test

http://www.tk421.net/ultima/

I got four results. The first one was plain answers. The second one was with a few modifications from the first one. The third one was having Justice in mind. The forth one was a try out of redoing the first answers, but correcting a mistaken one.

First result
5 out of 7 Honesty
5 out of 7 Compassion
2 out of 7 Valor
2 out of 7 Justice
5 out of 7 Sacrifice
3 out of 7 Honor
4 out of 7 Spirituality
2 out of 7 Humility

14 out of 22 Truth
16 out of 22 Love
14 out of 22 Courage

Second result
7 out of 7 Honesty
6 out of 7 Compassion
3 out of 7 Valor
2 out of 7 Justice
4 out of 7 Sacrifice
3 out of 7 Honor
2 out of 7 Spirituality
1 out of 7 Humility

14 out of 22 Truth
14 out of 22 Love
12 out of 22 Courage

Third result
4 out of 7 Honesty
4 out of 7 Compassion
4 out of 7 Valor
4 out of 7 Justice
3 out of 7 Sacrifice
3 out of 7 Honor
4 out of 7 Spirituality
2 out of 7 Humility

15 out of 22 Truth
15 out of 22 Love
14 out of 22 Courage

Forth result
4 out of 7 Honesty
5 out of 7 Compassion
3 out of 7 Valor
2 out of 7 Justice
6 out of 7 Sacrifice
2 out of 7 Honor
4 out of 7 Spirituality
2 out of 7 Humility

12 out of 22 Truth
17 out of 22 Love
15 out of 22 Courage

An intense week

It's been a long time since I had a night like the last one. The ache was pulsing inside my head and the pain was all over my overheating body. I seriously thought I was going to die if it kept going the way it was getting.into. I thought about several things, like how my friends would know about my death, how would they get access to informations I hold and stuff like that.
I needed water and C vitamin. So I went to the kitchen with some difficulty, drunk a cup of water, made a cup of lemon juice, layed on the sofa for a bit and came back to the bed. When I woke up back again, about 2pm, I was feeling a lot better. The pain was gone and the headache was no intense. Then I had lunch, took a shower, brushed my teeth, watched Palmeiras X Corinthians game on TV and, just before dinner, dad gave me a Shiatsu massage.
Even though I'm a lot better now, I wish I weren't that sick, such that I could meet old friends of mine again. I haven't seen some of then since 2004! I'll try my best to not miss the next chances, tho.

Along the week, Babi, my poodle dog, died of cancer last Tuesday. We were still living in the front house when we got her, about 10 years ago. Rest in peace, Babi..

I also had been studying for the exam I was going to have last Thursday. It was for the subject I've been trying to pass for 4 years now, the results were released one day after and guess what! If you guessed I failed, you're WRONG!!! HAR HAR! Yes, I finally passed!! Omg, I'm so proud about it! And it's not all! I also passed on Algorithm Analysis! That's one big step towards graduation!

Along these three weeks, I've been organizing a lot of stuff in the house, like kitchen, living room and my own room. My sister is sleeping in my room now. It's an experimental thing, but well, I did it thinking about a future when I'm not here anymore and living by myself.

And last, but not least, I emailed Aurianna. About what? It's private. Sorry.

Well, I'm a person who never wanted to live an intense life. I didn't really see any use in experimenting too different things or things I already knew about their effects. But a human is an adaptable being. But as long as I live, find more reasons to reinforce my previous thoughts and, more than that, special meanings that makes me notice how wrong I was about others.

If there is something I can say that I learned from life is that life is a continuous learning.

Sick

I'm sick today. There are so many things that happened this week. I'm going to write them down soon...

One year

One year..

Written in a piece of paper

Ela, para mim, é a pessoa certa.
Eu, para ela, talvez não ocorra o mesmo.

(Written in a piece of paper, back in high school)

What happened this morning, a bit before I woke up

You told me: "I love you"
Too bad, at the time you said that,
I found out it was only a dream.
Then I woke up.

This Way

I've much prepared
with words you've taught
for the road I had got
that is no more paired

So this is the way
what a lonely walk
nobody here to talk
about what I wanna say

Blurred is my sight
I can see you're there
but this atmosphere?
There's no left or right

Shine, my little star
So, through the way
Without fear I can say
'Este poema quero recitar'



(May 6th, 2007)

Organizing kitchen

I saw the yerba pack on the table and then my mom said: "Dad tried to make it, but it tasted bad." It was a yerba mate pack I bought back in 2007 in my travel to Porto Alegre. It was really really old and I wanted to throw it away. But before doing so, I took my cuia (hollow gourd) and as I couldn't really find my metal straw (bomba), I started to organizing stuff in the kitchen, such that I could find it. Well, organized some stuff and then, after lunch, my sister said: "Eww!! Have you already seen inside those milk boxes? They are full of worms!!" And then I told her that we had to clean them up before sending them to recycle (my family is not very conscious about some stuff) and then we started to clean them. My sister was opening the boxes while I was washing them.
Then I got tired of washing and my sister had to go to her boyfriend's house.
So I started to organize the pantry. I've already organized it several times already and I always find old stuff, with their due time expired... and it was now different now. But this time, I organized the condiments part. Some condiments should have used until 2005. I wasn't really surprised, since last year I found stuff that had to be used until 2000!
Well, one of the problem with my parents is that sometimes they open something, don't completely use that thing and forget the pack in the forgotten land. So I organized in a way that those stuff that weren't used yet are separated from those which were already opened (those things used to be mixed in the same place) and put the latter more acessible than the former. About the positioning of the condiments, I also put them separated from the pantry and put them close to the stove.
There were a lot more and it required a lot of thinking about classifying and separating stuff, but I think it's a lot more organized now.
Looking back, it all might not have happened this way if I haven't really gone to Porto Alegre. Haha

Obsession

Over the last 5 days I've been playing Civilization IV: Colonization non-stop. I haven't slept in two nights and another two nights I slept the number of hours of two nights, each. I almost started playing it more again today, but luckly it didn't work, so I'm free of this obsession. For now.

Dinossaurs

Last night I dreamed about dinossaurs! They were appearing from a room from the old house. I didn't check the room out, but I believe they came from a dimension door! As they were aggressive dinossaurs, my mom found out that we could kill them if we stick them with a needle. There were quite a few dinossaurs, tho. The most dangerous one was the red tyrannosaurus rex, who spilled fire and could break doors. Well, it was a fun dream!

The Fallen and Os Melhores do Mundo

Today I watched The Fallen. It's a drama movie during the second world war in a time when the few Axis soldiers were trying to survive, looking for a safe place close to the borders of Italy.
After that, I watched Os Melhores do Mundo. It's a famous brazilian humor show played in 2007.
Tomorrow I plan on writting about a studying methodology and aout English.

Neverland

Michael Jackson was the greatest artist of a whole generation. He had a hard childhood story, that has always marked his personality, but that never let it affect what he was good about. Composing, singing and dancing. World lost a reference.
MJ will live forever in the Neverland of a whole generation. He is a Myth.

Duality Screenshot

This is the image of my previous template, Duality.

After sleeping

I slept for 15 hours last night. There was time when I was awake in the middle of the night sometimes, and I felt like I've been sleeping for more than a whole day. Every time I did -which happened about 3 times-, I wanted to sleep more and more. But when I finally woke up, I felt as if my legs were numb and the aches of my body were completely asleep. My mind was at peace and restful. It's like coming back from a far away travel to distant lands, into the safe and comforting home I was so used to and I missed so much while I was away.

Snap Thought #1

The more convinced a person is about their opinion in a subject, the closer they are in listening and understanding the aspects of opposite points of views, specially their context. Am I wrong?

Drafts

Overvalued by the footprints,
the carried bag is not weighted;
It's color is now turned into gray;
the light within was shown before,
disrupting the dark nights
with soft shinning beams.

Might be now stuck, by thoughts and complaints,
only the back side of the horizon edge can be seen.
It's an old world, full of fables, full of fates.
Old discoveries lay deep within their heart,
a place where they're granted, immutable.

Present is a different time,
a decision time for both future and past.
Whatever is chosen, new paths are unrevealed.
Some might be disguised,
others might mislead expectations.
But what's the meaning of life,
if not to live and learn?

Made up

I talked to her last night and I inquired her about what happened. It's something really silly, actually. She wanted to be perfect and thought that if she sent me pictures of some attracting girl, I would feel more passionated about her.
She asked me if I mind about looks and I said yes, that I think people should look like who they really are, and then I asked her the same. She said no, but she actually does, since she cares so much about how she looks...
I don't really know how things are going to be from now on.
Late in the night I talked to Auri. She wasn't really good in the moment, but she's good in general. ^^

-sigh-

I don't want to know a lot of girls and I don't want to be experienced about them. I just want to stick up with one who I am passionate with, talk to her sincerely, trust her and be good for her. Is it to ask too much?
Okay, maybe I know the answer...

Lies

Today I found out the girl I have been really loving over the last few weeks is lying about several stuff. The proof are the photos she sent me. They are from someone else called Hanna Beth. And the timezone, again. A few ago she said she moved to Kentuky, to her new parents. But she has just told me her birthday is tomorrow, June 19th, while today is June 17th! (In other words, she is a couple of timezones ahead of me, in a timezone where it's June 18th for her.)
I think she believes I haven't figured out anything yet, but I don't really know what to do about it for now...

Eternal Flame (The Bangles)

Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling
Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand?
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming?
Is this burning an eternal flame?

I believe it's meant to be, darling
I watch when you are sleeping, you belong to me
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming
Or is this burning an eternal flame?

Say my name, sun shines through the rain
A whole life so lonely, and then you come and ease the pain
I don't want to lose this feeling

Say my name, sun shines through the rain
A whole life so lonely, and then you come and ease the pain
I don't want to lose this feeling

Close your eyes and give me your hand
Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand?
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming
Or is this burning an eternal flame?

Is this burning an eternal flame?

An eternal flame?

(Close your eyes and give me your hand
Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand?
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming
Or is this burning an eternal flame?)

Pragmatism

pragmatic: solving problems in a realistic way which suits the present conditions rather than obeying fixed theories, ideas or rules

This word came out when I was thinking about some changes comming from last year.
Before these changes, I was an observant boy and I was always trying my best into looking for pattern into everything. And to follow them.
Among other qualities, I learned that not only of rules things are made. Maybe they are, but not of all the rules I thought myself.
This fact made me create exceptions in many places. In thoughts, in personality, in life style.
Now that I'm here, looking backwards and at my current state, I ponder that both has their good and bad qualities depending upon the situation. Even thought some are best in specific situation, appling the best paradigm into one situation is something that experience and personality strongly weights.

World Environment Day

A quick question about environment: Is there anything you use, consume or buy, but you don't really need it, actually? The answer might not be in your actions or thoughts, but in your wills.

A quick link: World Environment Day 2009

(By the way, today is my birthday! Yay!! =)

Auri's bday!!

It's been a while since I last talked to her, but I hope she's great and that she enjoys the email I sent her! She is an aweseom girl! ^^

How is it called again? Unexpected surprise?

If my memory weren't so bad, I would remember how my computer behave and I would simply change the automatic setting to manual and switch the value from 12.5x to the multiplier 12. That would save me a whole weekend of formating and reinstalling my Gentoo, which has been up since 2005.
Anyway...
I thought the past few days would never really happen, but they did. Have you ever had an ordinary day when it end up becoming the first day of a new life? That's what I feel that happened a few days ago.
I am motivated again! I'm trying to start a new and healthy routine again! Starting with sleeping better and studying more! I love to study, but I'll deny it until the end!! Haha

Blister

Today I came back home and at the front gate I smelled some bad thing. "Eww! It's stinks! A trunk full of pigs must be around!"
But no. When entered, my mom was standing up and my dad was cleaning a sewerage box. The pipe was clogged. As we couldn't really unclog it, my dad announced that we had to dig up and intercept the pipe where it's blocked. And then we dug the ground up. As it got late, we didn't really cut the pipe and left it for tomorrow. The blisters in my hand and the tiredness in my body wouldn't really allow me to go any further.

Revolve

Okay, in a mood twist, I've just decided that it would be a waste to throw this layout away, since I really like it, I'm planning on working on this blog again.
A few ago, around the time classes were starting, I thought about comming back to darkshoyu again, but I gave this idea up, due to the importance of my past and my memories. (Well, I could forget the ranting part, actually.)
I really like the title, since it took my neurons to work for a while to get into it, but I'm not sure about the address.
I'll think about it later.

The night when I read it

I was checking something that maybe it's something I wasn't really supposed to.
It brought up so many memories, so many feelings...
I dug up throught some distant past things, and some not so distant.
And now all I that's left are these mixed of nostalgic and (a bit of) sadness feelings...
No matter how long ago it happened, some memories will always make you think they happened like yesterday and will always make you wish it could last a bit longer than it actually did.
I feel I changed so much and at the same time nothing at all.
I wonder what people think about me. I wonder what they would think if the image they have about me is broken. From the experience I have so far is that they would be pretty much desappointed and step away.
I need to motivate me again and rebuild my goals up.
And meditate, eventually.

I miss you, who visits my thoughts and my dreams

You came here again, but I didn't know what to say nor what to think. Maybe I'll never know...