Canada

I'm finally in Canada!

For those who doesn't know how long this journey is, I'll start from the very, very begining. It's a long and repeated story, so you can skip the next four paragraphs.

Back in mid 2004, I was studying for university exam when I finally upgraded my computer. This upgrade allowed me to play this massive multiplayer online role play game called Ragnarok. Back then, there was lots of private servers, but few (paid) official ones, including the International Ragnarok Online (iRO) server. The iRO server gave each new player one week free to play and that's when I started playing it. I played it alone for some days, when I met a novice, Leona, who would help me playing at the Payon dungeon. Since I wouldn't really pay to play, I asked her for her email, and since then we started chatting almost everyday. Janiliz, the person behind the Leona character, became my very first best friend. Then, one day, back in mid 2005, Janiliz told me she met a girl who she was arguing with. I didn't care at all about that, but that fact would completely change my life.

Some weeks later I was invited to join a MSN chat, which had some of Janiliz friends, including Aurianna, the girl who she was having some arguments. Auri added me to her MSN list, but we would only talk about six months later. Then we started talking, about many things I had never talked about before. We'd talk from small topics, like the differences between our countries, to big ones, like the nature of life. There was this one day when my dog, Noah, died and she comforted me, while another day, we would just play some random game on MSN. I couldn't avoid being passionately in love with her.

It was January 1st, 2008, when I went to this New Year festival where we could write our new year wishes in a paper and give them to the (buddhist or shinto, I can't remember) monks. Coincidence or not, and I wouldn't believe it, but my wish came true some time later. Except for two moments, the next months would be the happiest ones of my life. The two exceptions: when I lost my best friend and when I lost my girlfriend. Our relationship wasn't doing that well because I started working, so I could gather money to meet Auri, and at work, there was this annual conference, when each year they organize a scientific conference in a previously selected city. At that time, in mid 2008, things wasn't going that well between Auri and I, and once I came back to São Paulo, we had this talk when I told her I wanted to break up. I was lying, I didn't really want to do that, and until now I ask myself why I did it. It was my life mistake.

Although I'd like to make myself the main character of a romance story, life is not as easy, or simple, as what we imagine. The twist in my life made me look for things so I could clear my mind. I tried karate and swiming, but I wouldn't practice it that much. I got addicted to Heroes of Newerth and quit it. Twice. And I also started working on a scientific initiation, a kind of internship, but working with a teacher. It took about 2 years, to get over the past. Then, new perspectives came to my life. Accepting the single life I always had before made me go back to the track of all the effort I was putting into computing and studying, and I joined a new project. But I was finishing an important milestone. I was graduating.

We might not know what future brings us, and sometimes we must be intrepid to walk into the unknown, but we all have the power to change our own lives. I could just keep living in my city, just like I've always done, but I had to put myself into the trial of leaving my comfort zone. With a small stimulus from my friend Helena, and after a few preparation months, I put myself into the adventure of traveling to Canada.

Except for a few ones, almost all of my friends don't know about my past with Aurianna. When I tell them I'm going to visit her, I make it sound like I'm visiting just another friend, but the truth is that it means much more than that, for me. Two weeks ago, I finally met her for the first time.

She's beautiful. I also met Brandon, Auri's boyfriend, last week, at the beach with her friends and at his dad's Cinco de Mayo celebration. I try to tell my few friends who know the story about his boyfriend, but I can't remember who knows what. Anyway, the thing is that Brandon is a good guy. He's attractive, fun, smart, friendly, good with children. It surpresed me so much because I wouldn't believe it if people just tell me. Despite the past feelings, I'm convinced she took a good path. (While I can barely communicate that well in spoken english.)

It's still a bit awkward because I haven't talked much with her (it's my fault, actually), but I'm really happy for being able to and finally meeting her.

Tas

About five years ago, dad brought an old labrador home from his client. He used to walk with difficulty when he arrived home, but he learned where to do his needs and to find the food and water. He didn't use to bark without need and was always quiet in his spot. But then it came a time when he couldn't walk anymore, even though he tried his best efforts to do so. We had to give him more attention and care, ever since, giving him food and water, cleaning and covering him when it started to get cold. I must admit we lack patience sometimes, by waking up at night or having to interrupt our tasks to satisfy his needs, and I'm sorry for those times. But he only barked to ask for some help with something he would actually do by himself, without disturbing anyone. How hard it is to need something, like eating and drinking, but not be able to do it by ourselves. I don't know his past, nor his future, but he was a good boy and strived for his life until the last moment. He changed out lives and left an empty spot. I hope you're doing fine, wherever you are, Tas. Rest in peace. Tas: aprox. ??/??/1995 - 12/november/2011

Parties

Yesterday I went to two parties. The first one was a virtual one with some fellow Brazilian guys I talk to at Gaia Online. It was a themed party where the boys wear like girls and vice-versa. I stayed there for only one hour, but it was still fun! And it was also an interesting experience, finding out that, even though they would wear like the opposite gender, some of them would still constraint their minds to their actual gender. I mean, they don't like to play the role of the opposite sex. Consequently, would they be able to think as if they were the other party?
The other party I went to was at my friend's new home. He moved to a place just about 10 minutes away from where I am and we drunk, ate pizzas, listened to music, talked and played poker all the night. He found a really good place and we had a lot of fun. I can do a dealer now with my newly improved shuffling skills! Lol

The best Friday the 13th begining.

Yesterday I came back from college, worked on a task, had dinner and come to my room to spare some time at the computer. It's been almost a week since I received this friend request from a YouTube user. I have no idea who this person is, but I decided to check their videos, about some groups making dancing and singing and even acting performances. They are so much fun! I even felt like joining and participating some group! Lol After that I talked to someone I missed lots. The talk was so kind... I went to bed so happy!

Sugar Babies

No, the title doesn't refer to porn. Sugar babies are children of people who run away from the misery in Haiti to work in sugar cane fields, in semi-slavery conditions, in Dominican Republic. Most of their exports are in form of sugar, to USA, and that's what makes american sugar so cheap.

While bigger politicians and activists don't change this situation, I joined a canadian friend, Deborah, in an effort of promoting education for those children. I've just recently got in touch about the idea, but I've spent all my day in thinking and researching about a way to contribute with the project. I'll probably have further news about it soon!

Busy and dilemmatic

Ahhh... I've had such a full week! Movies on wednesday, birthday party on thursday and sunday and project all along. And classes start again tomorrow.

Other than that, I've been thinking about what decision to take. If I just knew what each of my decisions would lead me into...

Need for updates

I have so many things to write about. I really need to get some time to write about many many things that has happened along all this time. Actually, there aren't really that much things, but still, there is a lot to write about. For now I'll just say that I spent a weekend at the beach, that I had some trouble while I made a 20km wander and that I might finally finish reading The Secret Garden! But I'll make a better update soon.

I've having a really bad time trying to sleep tonight. It's a night with the temperature of 25°C at 2am. Spring's days and nights have been so hot this week!

Well, it's been a while since I last sat here to write something. It's so long since I started to write in this blog that I feel nostalgic of the time I would spend hours thinking about what to write.... while I write something! Haha

School, school... taking all the time of my youth is so uncool!

I've been working on my project and I've been studying, but I've been spending a lot of time trying to bear my mental fatigue, by playing some games. Those games might not be helping much, tho, since I also put a lot of effort in them.

I've been thinking a lot about what really matters for my life.

When I was a kid, I had so many fun, watching cartoon on TV, playing games and video games, and all those stuff kids like. At teenage, I could explore new places in my city I never imagined I would, mostly motivated by having fun with my friends and interest in different things.

Now that I'm in college, I've experienced so many different feelings and thoughts. And values. When I was younger, I heard/read people saying how good it is to have different ideas and different meanings out there, but now I am mature enough to feel it too.

And possibly try different things too.

Like taking a different paths from the one I've always planned.

2016 Olympic Games in Rio de Janeiro

Congratulations, Brazil!!!

Email

Ah hah! I've finally came up with a new email!!

An intense week

It's been a long time since I had a night like the last one. The ache was pulsing inside my head and the pain was all over my overheating body. I seriously thought I was going to die if it kept going the way it was getting.into. I thought about several things, like how my friends would know about my death, how would they get access to informations I hold and stuff like that.
I needed water and C vitamin. So I went to the kitchen with some difficulty, drunk a cup of water, made a cup of lemon juice, layed on the sofa for a bit and came back to the bed. When I woke up back again, about 2pm, I was feeling a lot better. The pain was gone and the headache was no intense. Then I had lunch, took a shower, brushed my teeth, watched Palmeiras X Corinthians game on TV and, just before dinner, dad gave me a Shiatsu massage.
Even though I'm a lot better now, I wish I weren't that sick, such that I could meet old friends of mine again. I haven't seen some of then since 2004! I'll try my best to not miss the next chances, tho.

Along the week, Babi, my poodle dog, died of cancer last Tuesday. We were still living in the front house when we got her, about 10 years ago. Rest in peace, Babi..

I also had been studying for the exam I was going to have last Thursday. It was for the subject I've been trying to pass for 4 years now, the results were released one day after and guess what! If you guessed I failed, you're WRONG!!! HAR HAR! Yes, I finally passed!! Omg, I'm so proud about it! And it's not all! I also passed on Algorithm Analysis! That's one big step towards graduation!

Along these three weeks, I've been organizing a lot of stuff in the house, like kitchen, living room and my own room. My sister is sleeping in my room now. It's an experimental thing, but well, I did it thinking about a future when I'm not here anymore and living by myself.

And last, but not least, I emailed Aurianna. About what? It's private. Sorry.

Well, I'm a person who never wanted to live an intense life. I didn't really see any use in experimenting too different things or things I already knew about their effects. But a human is an adaptable being. But as long as I live, find more reasons to reinforce my previous thoughts and, more than that, special meanings that makes me notice how wrong I was about others.

If there is something I can say that I learned from life is that life is a continuous learning.

Sick

I'm sick today. There are so many things that happened this week. I'm going to write them down soon...

Organizing kitchen

I saw the yerba pack on the table and then my mom said: "Dad tried to make it, but it tasted bad." It was a yerba mate pack I bought back in 2007 in my travel to Porto Alegre. It was really really old and I wanted to throw it away. But before doing so, I took my cuia (hollow gourd) and as I couldn't really find my metal straw (bomba), I started to organizing stuff in the kitchen, such that I could find it. Well, organized some stuff and then, after lunch, my sister said: "Eww!! Have you already seen inside those milk boxes? They are full of worms!!" And then I told her that we had to clean them up before sending them to recycle (my family is not very conscious about some stuff) and then we started to clean them. My sister was opening the boxes while I was washing them.
Then I got tired of washing and my sister had to go to her boyfriend's house.
So I started to organize the pantry. I've already organized it several times already and I always find old stuff, with their due time expired... and it was now different now. But this time, I organized the condiments part. Some condiments should have used until 2005. I wasn't really surprised, since last year I found stuff that had to be used until 2000!
Well, one of the problem with my parents is that sometimes they open something, don't completely use that thing and forget the pack in the forgotten land. So I organized in a way that those stuff that weren't used yet are separated from those which were already opened (those things used to be mixed in the same place) and put the latter more acessible than the former. About the positioning of the condiments, I also put them separated from the pantry and put them close to the stove.
There were a lot more and it required a lot of thinking about classifying and separating stuff, but I think it's a lot more organized now.
Looking back, it all might not have happened this way if I haven't really gone to Porto Alegre. Haha

Obsession

Over the last 5 days I've been playing Civilization IV: Colonization non-stop. I haven't slept in two nights and another two nights I slept the number of hours of two nights, each. I almost started playing it more again today, but luckly it didn't work, so I'm free of this obsession. For now.

How is it called again? Unexpected surprise?

If my memory weren't so bad, I would remember how my computer behave and I would simply change the automatic setting to manual and switch the value from 12.5x to the multiplier 12. That would save me a whole weekend of formating and reinstalling my Gentoo, which has been up since 2005.
Anyway...
I thought the past few days would never really happen, but they did. Have you ever had an ordinary day when it end up becoming the first day of a new life? That's what I feel that happened a few days ago.
I am motivated again! I'm trying to start a new and healthy routine again! Starting with sleeping better and studying more! I love to study, but I'll deny it until the end!! Haha