It's a quite tough moment. I feel like I can hardly get any support from those who means a lot to me, family or friends, in a time when I just want to be understood, or listened at least. What to do now? I don't know, but I'd like to change. Change. This is a word that's been present in my whole life. All I want is a bit of happiness. I'm desperate for it, actually. And I've been trying to go after that, but it seems the more I walk, the farther it gets. Am I going to the wrong way? How can I find the right one?
November 08, 2012
November 06, 2012
How to waste an ally
Well, it's much better when I can post in a good mood. Yes, if you're inferring my mood is not currently a good one, you're right.
Imagine you were having a pleasant walk, in a pleasant place, like a park. Then, when you go outside, you suddenly see yourself surrounded by hungry lions, willing to devour whatever piece of meat they see. Well, my situation is not that dramatic, but one could see it that way.
To be at home can be a good thing, but to me it's stressing. It's not really a place where I can have peace. And this is all about my parents. It's frustrating how I have to direct my life without support from them. It's like driving with brakes on all the time. Imagine you want to study, so you can get into a good highschool or university, to study English, so you can reach the rest of the world, or fight for what you believe. Well, my dad is against it all because he's the one who brings money home and, thus, he has the right to demand others to stop they projects and their plans to do as he will.
Well, if that's the memories he wants to build on me, I can't do much, but to remember them in the future.
July 12, 2012
Game addict
The last hours were the ones I've been addicting the most, here in Canada. I was supposed to quit it some days ago, but the challenge of the mechanics of the game is so exciting that decided to play a bit again. And then this bit became an all day play. For two whole days.
I don't really know what happens in other people's mind when they get addicted, but I'll try to write down what I thought while I was addicted, over the last two days, or better, what usually happens.
It all starts before the play starts, where everything is not as exciting or entertaining enough, when I'm doing all the same thing over and over and anything seems to reward me in any way. And then I know this game, and I know a bit of its mechanics, and how people who play it usually behaves, even though each is a very different person from each other.
When the match takes place and then I can have two kind of happenings. The good/bad axis, where the game is challenging, entertaining and/or fun, or not, and the short/long axis, where the match takes a short or a long time to end. When the game was good, I get all excited with it and I want to experience more of it again. When the game was bad, I feel frustrated and I want to start another match, so I can get a better match. The good/bad experience is sometimes related with when my team wins or loses the match. Moreover, the team is also another factor for that. Since each person has different skills, with differents game characters, and the same happening with the opposite team, every match is a completely different setting, even though the elements, like the characters, items and map are the same. Just like any other game.
Two things happens with me when I get into that vicious cycle. I still think about the world out there, but I always feel that to play just one more match won't make a big difference. The other thing is that I always have this thought at the end of a match.
I know to be addicted like this can be harmful to my mind. I'm usually just taken by the moment when it happens and I don't really see that I'm wasting an important time for the history of my life.
May 21, 2012
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
